Who wants to read my journal? You people scare me.

I just cannot resist a quiz!!!

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	8
Mind:	7.9
Body:	7.8
Spirit:	9.6
Friends/Family:	8.4
Love:	9.1
Finance:	7.5
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

( By popular demand )


Any one interested in the Melting Pot sometime soon?

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Opened a savings account for actually saving for the future (a college account for Sasha)Being a mommy seems pretty cool too.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Not so much.

We did get more in control of our spending, only to venture on our most expensive project to date.

I didn't get into jeans from college.

My writing laxed (a lot)

Over all I'm Ok with it.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yeah, ME!!!!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My bunny Rigg and my great grandmother. I guess in a metaphorical sense the marriage of my mother and step-father.

5. What countries did you visit?
I don't think I left my house.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 which you lacked in 2008?
Connections with my Friends and Family. I have become more and more intraverted in the last years and I really need to come back out and play.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched in your memory, and why?
10-17-08 - Sasha Anne Partney

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
See #7.

In case creating human life isn't an "achievement", I have improved my crocheting and knitting and sewing skills. I have also found more compassion and a greater ability to love than I have has previously.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not being able to stay at home with Sasha.

and disconnecting myself from the people who care about me.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
besides the cold I have now? over all not so much. oh I was anemic and diabetic for a while but they wore off.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Fleece Swaddlers.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
my brother who is back in Iraq.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Mom - for not forgiving and not communicating
Grandma - for encouraging it
Dom - for allowing it to get this far
Andy - for all the doom and gloom crap

14. Where did most of your money go?
The mortgage and baby.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
the birth of Sasha, duh!

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
the song Sasha's bug sings.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: Happier or sadder? Thinner or fatter? Richer or poorer?
Happier about most things, Sadder about others, overall Happier. Fatter and thinner, everything redistributed so it depends on where you look. I weigh the same as I did this time last year. As to the money. We have about the same amount, but now it has to go a bit further.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
bickering.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
spent with the fam.

21. How will you be spending New Year's?
this is it...

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
absolutly

23. How many one-night stands?
None

24. What was your favorite new TV program?
none.

26. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
nope

27. What was the best book you read?
Baby Bargans. seriously it saved me hundreds of dollars.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Sasha likes Rihanna

28. What did you want and get?
Sasha

29. What did you want and not get?
Abs

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
The best memory of a film this year was the Indiana Jones piece of crap that was out. The music startled Sasha and it was the first time she reacted to something outside my body.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old did you turn?
cake, ice cream, dinner and a movie. 33.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
more universal understanding.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
elastic

34. What kept you sane?
sane?

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Angelina Jolie, there is something about that woman that isn't right or fair.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
I tried to ingore it.

37. Whom did you miss?
My friends.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
duh...Sasha

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
sometimes the answers is later. you can push all you want, but sometimes you just have to wait. It's what you do in while waiting that matters.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
George Straits, I Saw God Today.

Something to the effect of : He is always there, but I forget to look.

sometimes I hate that people don't have to listen to me.

I also hate that people say "we wanted to wait until blah blah blah to ruin everything".

like waiting makes it better. your injuring your family because you are too stubborn/stupid/angry/blah blah blah to say or hear "I'm sorry".

So Andy and I bickered for months to finally agree on a name for our child just minutes after she was born. We wanted an uncommon, easy to spell and pronounce, pretty and appropiate for a baby and a supreme court judge name.

ONLY to have the American public select a man to lead the free world with a child of the same name. I compelment the Obamas on their name choice, but come on!! They stole my baby name!!

So you realize how pissed I'll be if "Sasha" is the #4 most popular name of 09? or if she has 3 other Sashas in class?

I realize I'm being irrational. Oh well...

( two of my favorite critters under 10 pounds )

Sasha is sleeping, so is Andy and his mom. But I'm up. I just sit here in the dark watching her. I'm so afraid that something is going to happen to her while I'm asleep.

I have never felt such fear in my whole life. I find myself crying all the time. I have only known this little person for such a short time, but if something were to happen to her, I wold just want to die.

I find myself watching her breathe, her little chest rise and fall in her swaddle. I will get up and touch her face to hear her squeek or sigh. Some reassurance that she is OK.

We have done everything to eliminate the risks for SIDS, but I still worry. Is she too warm? What happens if she sleeps on my chest on her belly, is that bad? I feel like all the attempts for SIDS awareness has made me a bit neurotic. I don't know anyone who has had a child that died of SIDS, but I cannot help but worry. I read statistics and think, are we the 0.6%? I mean someone has to be, right?

I hope that this is just the baby blues and that in a few weeks, after the shock of our new situation has worn off a bit, I'll feel more secure.

On a better note, MIL is being better. I had a melt down at Andy and he talked to her. She said she didn't want to change Sasha's diapers because she might do it wrong, and I would get mad. He said I was mad because she woke me up to change a poopy diaper, and I guess she saw the errors of her ways. So far she has done all the laundry, cleaned up the kitchen, and not put my underpants away. (Granted she didn't do laundry the way I do it, but I won't get too pissy about it.)

So she claims she came to help by...

1) going through my underwear drawers to "put away laundry", but won't put Sasha's laundry away because she doesn't know where it goes.

2) taking Sasha at any chance, unless she needs a diaper change.

3) being in the way, literally standing in between me and where ever I need to be.

4) walking in on me while breastfeeding, or peeing, or showering.

5) guilting Andy into not holding or caring for his own child since she will only be here for a short time.

6) criticizing OUR choice to BF because she didn't do it.

7) projecting negative connotations to all the squeaks and faces that Sasha makes.

8) telling us how sickly Sasha is going to be, because Andy was. (have I mentioned that I'm totally new at this and am terrified about Sasha getting sick, or worse)

9) being ignorant about everything.

10)mocking everything I enjoy.

and finally

11)wedging herself between Andy and me. AND STUPIDLY HE TAKES HER SIDE A BIT TOO OFTEN!


Only 10 more days and then she will go away.

( Sasha Anne )

OK I'm a lot bummed. Andy is still sick, his dr sucks giant donkeys, and he is working tonight.

So my last night as a non-mom is spent cleaning and sulking.

Actually my mommy came over and cleaned my kitchen and made my bed for me. So I am loved, but she left a while ago.

POUT!!!

I am looking forward to 8:30am, when I get to meet BB. I hope that the drs don't get to upset that Andy is so sick. I don't know what they will do about it, if anything.

I'm nervous and alone, and that bums me out even more. I guess I'll take a bath now.

Ok, so today was pretty productive. I had a Dr appt, and she thought it was funny that 2 days before BB is going to be born, I feel better than I have in more than a month.

Then I had lunch with a friend (he might do NaNo), went to bed bath and beyond for space bags, had some guy from highway saftey properly install our carseat, and went to the grocery store. I also did some sewing, and stuffed all my space bags.

Andy has a dr appt in the morning. I'm going with him, so that the loser LPN will get that Andy cannot be sick on friday. (I'm not sure what magic they will use to make him better, but they better pull something out of thier ass).

and then something really funny happened. caution TMI may follow...

So since Andy is sick and I'm enormous we were taking a warm bath. Spooky cannot resist bathtime, and so she was playing around the tub. She then got very distracted and her tail fell into the water. We thought she would notice, but she didn't. It wasn't until she turned around that she realized her tail was sopping wet. That was when the fun began. She first tried to twist around and chase her tail, but then decided it was more fun to dip it in and out of the water. After that novelty wore off, she hopped onto the toilet and the proceeded to chase her tail until she nearly fell off. At which time she hopped onto the floor and continued to chase her tail, until she was so dizzy she walked into the wall.

I guess you had to be there.

So today was an adventure in toddlers. A friend came over with her 16 month old and her 3yo and they are quite the handful.

Poor Spooky, the younger child would pet her nicely then hit her with a book. Then her mom would put her in time out, but Spooky is so sweet, she would go to the crying child to comfort her, then Spooks would get hit again and the toddler would laugh. Her poor mother was so upset that her child was abusing my cat. In the meanwhile the 3yo is dismantling my scooba. Spooky is just so confused by all this.

I strongly suspect that one will be quite enough.

spooky has no idea of what is about to happen to her, she just loves all the new cat toys, and cat beds are so comfy to curl up in. I hope she will take the idea of sharing well.

And Andy is getting sicker. His cold is worse and we don't know if the hospital will let him be around BB. I hope he feels better soon, that way it won't be an issue.

So by the end of this week, one adventure will be over, and another will begin.

I finished BB's bunny quilt. I'll post pics later.

Andy has cleared out the remaining crap from the nursery, and it looks really cute. He hung the moon night light, and the only thing that remains is hanging the crystal stars and painting the glow in the dark stars.

And of course we have to strap the bookcase, and chest of drawers to the wall.

I have been anxious about money the last few nights, but we'll be OK, I think I'm just worrying for the sake of worrying.

MIL is coming Monday night, and will be hear for 2 weeks. I hope that her broken foot is significantly better than it had been, and that her dog bite on her other leg is healed up.

But she isn't the only decrepid one. My mom has a hernia and it requires surgery. She hopes to get it done this week, so that she can be healed up to play with the baby. Right now she cannot lift anything because it hurts too much.

On the upside, GO ZINC!!! My cold is on the mend.

Spooky knows something is up, not only does sleep on anything BB related, but today she crawled inside my shirt and went to sleep. I don't know what that is, but DOH-KAY.

I'm feeling uber crafty these days. I figure that is the nesting. And I don't even feel like crap any more!!!

No baby, I just have a cold and feel like crap.

Yeah Cold!!!

So today I sent off my FMLA forms, only about a month late(hee hee oops). but it's done and that makes me happy. I did have to convince my dr office that I didn't quit my job and that they did write me a note to stop working a week ago. fortunantly I can be very convincing. and I had a copy of the note.

that success powered me through cleaning the bathroom and some other light cleaning.

I really like how clean bathroom look. they make me happy!

So obviously my body just isn't going to cooperate with itself.

stronger more frequent contractions + nesting hormones + non-progressing cervix = insane chick.

Andy insists I continue to rest.

We even got to have a non-stress test to find out we are non-stressed.

The Dr was excited to find out about the contractions, until she checked my cervix. Then she scheduled my appt for next week. ARG!!!!

I think I'll get a pedicure tomorrow.

So the time is slipping away. very very S L O W L Y.

I have been having contractions all day, stronger than I have had before, but no timing to the deal. But they seem to be persistant, so maybe they will organized themselves.

I have a Dr appt first thing in the morning, I hope that I'm progressing. I would hate to think I'm suffering all these cramps for nothing.

Andy and I have been very sweet to eachother. BB is a different story. She has taken to squirming hard against the contractions and that is not so sweet. I try to gently move her away, but really where is she going to go. OH YEAH. She could always come OUT!!

I have to call frontier airlines and find out how much it will cost to change MILs plane ticket. It has finally been determined that she does want to be here for the birth of her first grandchild.

Why don't people just say what they want? If I ask you about something, then I want the real answer. If I didn't want her to be here, I would't have asked, I just would have bought the tickets for when I wanted them, for like thanksgiving. OK it isn't that I WANT her here, but she is allowed to be here when her grandchild is born, after all my whole family will be here, so Andy's should be allowed too. And anyway the hospital is very strict about visitors so I'm not too worried about her trying to be overly involved. If I have had enough I can always blame it on the nurses.

Not a reproductive one, but I got a bunch of stuff done.

We went to walmart and walked around a bunch, took a nap, met with our pediatrician (I like him, I think he will be a good one), bought a drain stopper and went to the bank. Andy also decided that if I immediately take a warm bath afterwards, it is ok to... well you know. We shall see if it works, or if the baths thwart me.

I fear this little project is going to get repetitive, unless I pop sooner.

So it has become clear that Andy isn't going to help this little tot come any sooner. And little does he realized that after the tot is here, I'm not going to help him out much either. At night he won't even try to cuddle because he fears it will lead to something. I guess after months of fearing labor, he isn't convinced it is ever a good idea.

( bad pictures of good handmade gifts )

So we have less than 2 weeks. Today we checked off "have kitty checked out by vet" off the list of things to do before BB is born. Spooky is perfect. She got her booster vaccines, and got a physical. the poor thing had such a rough day. First stuffed in a bag, then put in the car, then poked by vet, stuffed back into a bag, and put back in the car. She doesn't really want to talk to me today, but it's OK.

Last night I played in the BB room and did BB laundry. I think it is the last load until she is born.

Andy has been working a lot lately and he is afraid that he wont be able to get to the hospital in time, if I go into labor while he is at work. I don't know how to comfort him on this one. I try to rest bunches, but I'm not convinced if things are going to happen, that resting will postpone them.

Not to mention I'm so bored, that if I don't give birth soon, I'll start cutting myself.