Who wants to read my journal? You people scare me.

I just cannot resist a quiz!!!

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	8
Mind:	7.9
Body:	7.8
Spirit:	9.6
Friends/Family:	8.4
Love:	9.1
Finance:	7.5
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

( By popular demand )


Any one interested in the Melting Pot sometime soon?

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Opened a savings account for actually saving for the future (a college account for Sasha)Being a mommy seems pretty cool too.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Not so much.

We did get more in control of our spending, only to venture on our most expensive project to date.

I didn't get into jeans from college.

My writing laxed (a lot)

Over all I'm Ok with it.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yeah, ME!!!!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My bunny Rigg and my great grandmother. I guess in a metaphorical sense the marriage of my mother and step-father.

5. What countries did you visit?
I don't think I left my house.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 which you lacked in 2008?
Connections with my Friends and Family. I have become more and more intraverted in the last years and I really need to come back out and play.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched in your memory, and why?
10-17-08 - Sasha Anne Partney

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
See #7.

In case creating human life isn't an "achievement", I have improved my crocheting and knitting and sewing skills. I have also found more compassion and a greater ability to love than I have has previously.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not being able to stay at home with Sasha.

and disconnecting myself from the people who care about me.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
besides the cold I have now? over all not so much. oh I was anemic and diabetic for a while but they wore off.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Fleece Swaddlers.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
my brother who is back in Iraq.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Mom - for not forgiving and not communicating
Grandma - for encouraging it
Dom - for allowing it to get this far
Andy - for all the doom and gloom crap

14. Where did most of your money go?
The mortgage and baby.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
the birth of Sasha, duh!

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
the song Sasha's bug sings.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: Happier or sadder? Thinner or fatter? Richer or poorer?
Happier about most things, Sadder about others, overall Happier. Fatter and thinner, everything redistributed so it depends on where you look. I weigh the same as I did this time last year. As to the money. We have about the same amount, but now it has to go a bit further.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
bickering.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
spent with the fam.

21. How will you be spending New Year's?
this is it...

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
absolutly

23. How many one-night stands?
None

24. What was your favorite new TV program?
none.

26. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
nope

27. What was the best book you read?
Baby Bargans. seriously it saved me hundreds of dollars.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Sasha likes Rihanna

28. What did you want and get?
Sasha

29. What did you want and not get?
Abs

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
The best memory of a film this year was the Indiana Jones piece of crap that was out. The music startled Sasha and it was the first time she reacted to something outside my body.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old did you turn?
cake, ice cream, dinner and a movie. 33.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
more universal understanding.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
elastic

34. What kept you sane?
sane?

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Angelina Jolie, there is something about that woman that isn't right or fair.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
I tried to ingore it.

37. Whom did you miss?
My friends.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
duh...Sasha

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
sometimes the answers is later. you can push all you want, but sometimes you just have to wait. It's what you do in while waiting that matters.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
George Straits, I Saw God Today.

Something to the effect of : He is always there, but I forget to look.

sometimes I hate that people don't have to listen to me.

I also hate that people say "we wanted to wait until blah blah blah to ruin everything".

like waiting makes it better. your injuring your family because you are too stubborn/stupid/angry/blah blah blah to say or hear "I'm sorry".

So Andy and I bickered for months to finally agree on a name for our child just minutes after she was born. We wanted an uncommon, easy to spell and pronounce, pretty and appropiate for a baby and a supreme court judge name.

ONLY to have the American public select a man to lead the free world with a child of the same name. I compelment the Obamas on their name choice, but come on!! They stole my baby name!!

So you realize how pissed I'll be if "Sasha" is the #4 most popular name of 09? or if she has 3 other Sashas in class?

I realize I'm being irrational. Oh well...

( two of my favorite critters under 10 pounds )

Sasha is sleeping, so is Andy and his mom. But I'm up. I just sit here in the dark watching her. I'm so afraid that something is going to happen to her while I'm asleep.

I have never felt such fear in my whole life. I find myself crying all the time. I have only known this little person for such a short time, but if something were to happen to her, I wold just want to die.

I find myself watching her breathe, her little chest rise and fall in her swaddle. I will get up and touch her face to hear her squeek or sigh. Some reassurance that she is OK.

We have done everything to eliminate the risks for SIDS, but I still worry. Is she too warm? What happens if she sleeps on my chest on her belly, is that bad? I feel like all the attempts for SIDS awareness has made me a bit neurotic. I don't know anyone who has had a child that died of SIDS, but I cannot help but worry. I read statistics and think, are we the 0.6%? I mean someone has to be, right?

I hope that this is just the baby blues and that in a few weeks, after the shock of our new situation has worn off a bit, I'll feel more secure.

On a better note, MIL is being better. I had a melt down at Andy and he talked to her. She said she didn't want to change Sasha's diapers because she might do it wrong, and I would get mad. He said I was mad because she woke me up to change a poopy diaper, and I guess she saw the errors of her ways. So far she has done all the laundry, cleaned up the kitchen, and not put my underpants away. (Granted she didn't do laundry the way I do it, but I won't get too pissy about it.)

So she claims she came to help by...

1) going through my underwear drawers to "put away laundry", but won't put Sasha's laundry away because she doesn't know where it goes.

2) taking Sasha at any chance, unless she needs a diaper change.

3) being in the way, literally standing in between me and where ever I need to be.

4) walking in on me while breastfeeding, or peeing, or showering.

5) guilting Andy into not holding or caring for his own child since she will only be here for a short time.

6) criticizing OUR choice to BF because she didn't do it.

7) projecting negative connotations to all the squeaks and faces that Sasha makes.

8) telling us how sickly Sasha is going to be, because Andy was. (have I mentioned that I'm totally new at this and am terrified about Sasha getting sick, or worse)

9) being ignorant about everything.

10)mocking everything I enjoy.

and finally

11)wedging herself between Andy and me. AND STUPIDLY HE TAKES HER SIDE A BIT TOO OFTEN!


Only 10 more days and then she will go away.

( Sasha Anne )

OK I'm a lot bummed. Andy is still sick, his dr sucks giant donkeys, and he is working tonight.

So my last night as a non-mom is spent cleaning and sulking.

Actually my mommy came over and cleaned my kitchen and made my bed for me. So I am loved, but she left a while ago.

POUT!!!

I am looking forward to 8:30am, when I get to meet BB. I hope that the drs don't get to upset that Andy is so sick. I don't know what they will do about it, if anything.

I'm nervous and alone, and that bums me out even more. I guess I'll take a bath now.